Monday, December 14, 2009













as you can see, this is all i have left at night. just me and him, againest lala land. sigh.


fixing a broken heart is not easy..
signed off @ 5:15 PM

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Today is the 18th.
just a day after 2 months of single hood.
can't say i'm very happy.
or can't say i'm sad either.

Somehow,
even after 2 months,
i'm still thinking abt her.
yes, i'm admitting.
I'm still thinking of her everyday.
sometimes, when i wake up,
i still have the habit of calling.
but just when I'm abt to dial.
i woke up.
and told myself.
"it's over. why m i calling. the one who wanted her to have a better future is me. it's wrong for me to do so."

But nevertheless,
i'm still confessing guilty of thinking of her every single day.
yes, u are not seeing things.
i really am still missing her everyday.
i dunno why but i do.

I asked myself this qn many times.
"why ? why m i still missing her ? is it because i can't let go ? or is it because maybe i'm just not used to being alone agn ? "
this kind of questions keep popping in my head.

I admit another thing,
which is even during my trip to japan.
the 1st thing i reach the hotel,
when i see a computer that can be used,
i straight away went online.
and checked her blog.
infact, not only the 1st day.
every single day that i could use,
the 1st webpage to check would be her blog.

Yeap,
u guys might think,
what the fk m i doing.
what the hell m i thinking.
it's me that gave up not her.
wad gives me the right to miss her.
why m i this kinda guy that say something but dont mean it.
cuz it's me that gave up.

It's me that told her to give up.
but here i m still nian nian bu wang.

The only reason i could think of is.

From the bottom of my heart.

I still love her.

I dunno in wad way,
i dunno why,
i dun understand myself why.
but i just do.

signing off,
the irresponsible,
the bastard,
the hopless,
Freddy Mak De Quan.


fixing a broken heart is not easy..
signed off @ 11:55 PM

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I fucking hate this feeling
I admit i'm still feeling jealous.
Wtf.
I thought i would be strong.
well, i dun guess so now.
I'm still the same
weak
cowardly
the all talk no action freddy.

After seeing her blog,
how she pass her few days,
i really feel happy for her.
But at the same time,
i'm jealous.

Why i'm jealous i also dunno.
i thought of possibilities.

1) Cuz i still have feelings so i'm jealous she go out with other guys and stuff.
2) Maybe becuz last time i keep pangseh my frens and thus now is the so call "retribution" and i have no friends that is willing to go out with me.
3) i'm an idiot.

not only this,
camp problems is just piling up.

i guess,
i'm really just a hi bye person to everyone afterall.



fixing a broken heart is not easy..
signed off @ 3:47 PM